Daffodil

I can't believe it's been a year ago that we lost our little one! Looking back, I really don't know how I have come this far. This last week has been a rough one, my emotions going all over the place. I still miss him and think about him every day, wishing he were here with us. I know in a sense he is, just not the way I would like. Daffodils (being the March birthflower) remind me of him. They are blooming every where I look, and at times they bring a smile to my face, other times, sadness overwhelms me.
This time also reminds me of friendships that have "gone" a seperate way because of this situation. So many "friends" chose not to talk about it, others changed the subject, many offered their support for a week or two and then I never heard from them again. Of course there were those few that continued to offer support and love. In some crazy way, I feel like if it weren't for these few friends, I wouldn't be sitting here today talking about this. I absolutely appreciate every single person that had a hand in helping us out, but there are certain people that have continued to be there. And these few friends really don't know how much they mean to me.

J - She is the one that would come check on me (don't think I don't know that's what you were doing when you would just "stop by" cause you were bored). She cooked for us, called me (and still does), texted me, chatted. I dont know how many times I would go sit on her couch and cry my eyes out because I felt so helpless and lost.
                                                         Our first daffodil of the season!

P - P didnt live around me at that time, nor does she still, but she is a constant support. Phone calls, texts, and ims. She probably knows more about me than any one person (yes that includes my husband). We have had our differences and lost touch for awhile, but now, we are closer than ever.

S - She is the one that makes me strong. For some reason I have a hard time breaking down in front of her, so I go see her, or talk to her when I'm at my worst. Most of the time it helps, although sometimes I'm just prolonging the tears and when I'm all alone I let it go.

              

I love my handyman!

I just love how Nick likes to make things for around the house. Not only does it save money, but it has a special meaning. His first project was a night stand for me, I really just wanted a table, but he got all fancy on me and also put a shelf on it! His next project (still in the works) is a toy box for Miss K. We have gone through her toys a couple times now, and she still has tons. I've finally decided that the older kids get, the bigger the toys they have! When Nick asked me about making the toy box, all I said I wanted was a box with a lid, so she can't turn it upside down and dump all the toys out. (Which is what she does with the totes her toys are in now :) ) Once again, he amazes me with what he does... he is very much a perfectionist, and to him it has many flaws, but I don't see them! I only see the work, hours, an love he has put into it. This is the first toy box, and right now we are still letting it air out before we put it in her room. He found these fanagle dangle hinge thingies that won't let the lid slam down! He soon will be working on another toy box for our upstairs living room. I've also asked him to make some bookshelves for me for our downstairs living area. (I'm really excited about those!) I have all kinds of books and dust collector knick knacks that need a home! Here are a few pictures of the first toy box, and I will continue to post pictures as we go along with all our projects!

Our 2010 Garden

The is the first year that we have been able to fix a garden. Some good friends of ours decided to go in with us, so we decided to make a fairly decent sized one. We are doing it all by hand! It's a great workout, and will hopefully pay off in the end! After we got finished today, I realized we went a couple feet over into our neighbors property. (oops!) So I went back out and made it a little bigger on our side. Hopefully our neighbors won't be too upset with us (I'm sure they won't because they are super nice people) but I'm going to offer them fresh produce if/when we have some.

The area I picked out for the garden. It's in direct sunlight all day!

Us hard at work!

All finished! (day one anyhow!) Samps was tuckered out from all the digging!

My new hobby

I've always wanted to learn how to knit, and I recently met a new friend that knows how. She said she would teach me, so I took her up on it! She helped me start on a washcloth... and I still havent finished it, but I did complete another one. Now I am working on a scarf! The website http://www.knittinghelp.com/ has helped me tremendously. They have videos of pretty much everything, so you can actually SEE how to do it!

Although, I must admit, it has been a bit of a challenge. I should have thought about starting a new hobby with a ball of yarn and a new kitten :)

I really want to learn how to crochet also... I've found so many cute patterns that are for crocheting. Nick says I have to learn one before I start another, which of course makes sense!

My first washcloth. It doesn't look that great, but I'm pretty proud of it!

The scarf I'm working on now.

A little background on us

Nick and I were both raised in a small town in southeastern Missouri. We went to high school together and had alot of the same friends. We both were shy, too shy to let each other know that we had a "crush" on each other then. Nick joined the Coast Guard and moved away. After about 5 years (2004), we met up again and began dating. It was a long distance relationship (he was stationed in Alaska, I, still in MO). Soon, we realized we wanted to spend more time with each other. He was transferred to Oregon in the summer of 2005, and I moved out there as well. We married in our hometown in April 2006. In May 2007 we found out I was pregnant with our first child. We both were excited but more nervous and scared than anything! I was sick most of the pregnancy... I didnt have morning sickness, I had all day sickness! About 2 months out of the pregnancy I felt okay. On January 1 2008, our little girl was delivered by c-section. My water had broke earlier that morning and had meconium in it. Through out the day it worsened and later that evening they discovered that she was breech and she needed to get out! She is a healthy and spirited little girl! What a blessing she has been to both of us.

In Dec 2008 we felt like life was perfect! We were expecting our second child! At 17 1/2 weeks of pregnancy (March 2009), we lost our baby. During the d&c, I started massive hemorrhaging, the doctors had no option but to go into an emergency abdominal surgery. They found I had a condition called placenta percreta (the meaning is the abnormal adherence of part or all of the placenta to the uterine wall). In my case, the placenta had grown through my old cesarean scar and engulfed my uterus, attached to my bladder and muscles. In order to save my life, they had to remove my uterus.

What a devasting time it has been for us. Through it all we have stuck together. We have great family and friends that have helped us and continue to be there for us. We moved to North Carolina June 2009 and should be here a few more years. We are now pursuing adoption and watching our little girl grow up before our eyes. She has helped us more than she will ever know!