Homestudy Assigned

I just received an email (okay not "just," I read it at midnight last night) that our home study has been assigned to a contract (social) worker and we should hear from her within 2 weeks. I'm not sure exactly what this means other than the fact I was super excited to get this news! I was so excited I almost woke up Nick to tell him.... but then I decided it could wait 6 more hours until we got up!

Really, what does it mean? It means that we will start with our home visits. Home visits = final approval = "on the books" = waiting for a baby! Not that we aren't already waiting, but it's a different kind of wait, as in yes, this IS going to happen. Right now, we are both confident that it is going to happen, but being a realistic person, I do realize that we may not be approved.

It's been a wonderful week for good news! We are so blessed!

He's a little spoiled!

The hubster has been bugging me for months to "let" him buy a new motorcycle. Time and time again he has heard the same answer, "Not until our new baby is home." To which he replied the first time I said this, "You mean, as soon as we walk in the door and y'all (yes he says y'all) are fine, I can go to the dealership and pick one out?" Really!? I said, "Well, if you feel it is that important."

Let me say this, Nick and I rarely argue, we both are people that choose our battles. This is not one that I choose to get upset over, instead we laugh and joke about it. Of course, one of his buddies has also been scheming with Nick to get a new bike. As I was talking to H one night, "Nick should sell his truck, and then he can buy a new motorcycle. Next year (boat season) he'll have to buy a new truck too. See it all works out....." Ummm, no! But I do love listening to all of H's plans... I'm sure they make sense to him! :)

I received a text from Nick yesterday letting me know that he was going to make 1st class. We have known for awhile that he was "close," but didn't know exactly when or if it would actually take place. I'm so proud of him! I later texted back and asked how much more money a month he would be making. (I am in charge of the money, and I keep a pretty tight reign, hence him asking me to buy a bike) The text I received back? "Enough to buy a motorcycle" I had the sneaking suspicion that Nick didn't write this text but rather H did.

And... I was right! So as we were talking about his advancement I gave him the go ahead on buying another motorcycle. He smiled like a little boy making his first home run! And that warmed my heart. So now what is he doing? Looking for a dealership to go get a new motorcycle!

What is a home study?

I realize (now that it's been brought to my attention) that not everyone knows what a home study is. I assumed everyone knew what it is and what all it entails because I've been living and breathing it the last several months. I'm very sorry! So this pretty much sums it up! I got this information from this site, which I'm finding I go to a lot to find things out!

The adoption home study is a detailed written report of your family compiled and prepared by a social worker. This can take three to six months to finish. The adoption home study requires the prospective adoptive family to gather different documents, answer several questions, and explore their reasons for adopting. Through a series of visits and interviews the social worker can get a complete picture of who you are and what life is like in your family. The adoption home study is a part of the decision making process for both the prospective family and the workers. Not only can the adoption home study help the worker place a child into your home who would best fit into your family, but help the family and the worker decide if now is a good time for your family to adopt.

The adoption home study can include the following pieces of information. Keep in mind that each state or country, in an international adoption, may require different information.

• Autobiography/Family Background - Some states or agencies have a social worker working very closely with the family to finish this part of the home study, while others have a detailed list of questions that the agency wants answered. These questions are typically about your family, past and present; how you feel about discipline, your fondest childhood memory, or your greatest fears. We enjoyed this process as we learned so much about ourselves and each other.
• Neighborhood/Community/Schools - Be prepared to describe your environment. What is your school system like? Which schools will your child/ren attend? Do you have a relationship with your neighbors? What resources does your community offer to help you parent a special needs child?

• Physical Health - You may need a physical or health exam and/or a Tuberculosis(TB) test or chest x-ray. The social worker will also be interested in hearing how you have any health issues under control. Be prepared to explain how these health issues will or will not effect your ability to care for a child. There shouldn't be an issues with you adopting unless you have a serious health problem that effects your life expectancy.

• Financial Statements - You must be able to show that you can care for an additional person(s) with your current income. Be prepared to verify your income with paycheck stubs, W-4, or income tax forms 1040 or 1040 EZ. You may also need to show information on your savings, insurance coverage, investments and debts. There may be a worksheet to fill out that covers your bills, such as mortgage or rent payments, car payments, and charge accounts.

• Criminal Clearances - Most states require by law criminal record and child abuse record checks. Misdemeanors from long ago along with a good explanation of your behavior are usually not held against you. Felony convictions of any charge involving children or illegal substances will most likely not be allowed.

• References - You will need the names, addresses, and phone numbers of three or four references. Some agencies will contact by phone, others will require that your references write a letter of recommendation. Choose people who have known you for several years and know your family. They should be familiar with you and have seen you in a variety of situations, with children, your spouse, etc. References will not keep you from adopting unless workers receive several negative comments, or a reference has brought up a questionable criminal record.

• Interviews - Interviews are a time for the workers to go over your paperwork, learn more about you, clarify anything in your autobiography and see that your home is a safe and healthy place for a child. You do NOT have to be a clean freak! The worker will tour your home and will want to see the room that you have planned for the child. If you haven't already discussed it, you may want to have a safety plan in place in case of fires or other natural disasters. Be honest and show your personality, a sense of humor is always a good thing to have, especially when parenting.

• If You Already Have Children - Some agencies will have the children write a statement about their feelings toward adoption. If they are too young, they may be asked to draw a picture. Workers will want to know about your children's interests, hobbies, and grades. Your children will be involved in interviews, and may meet with the social worker individually.

• Cost of the Home Study - The cost depends on the agency or the worker completing your study. Public agencies, Department of Social Services, does not usually charge, or if they do, you will be reimbursed after the adoption is final. This charge is usually minimal. With private adoptions the adoption home study can run anywhere from $500 to $3000. This could be less if you are adopting a special needs child.

An adoption home study can be a nerve wracking thing, but if you go in prepared and knowing what to expect you will get through it just fine! As always, good luck on your adoption journey.

A Tad Bit

Yes, it's true we have a tad bit of good news. When we started on our adoption journey, it was our goal to be "on the books" by the end of this year. I'm still uncertain on whether or not this is going to take place, because a lot of the process is out of our hands. BUT we received an email today that our website has been approved! It won't go live until our file is approved and we have letters in the Pleasant Hill office, but I'm still pretty stoked! When we started working on our paperwork, we decided to get all of the documents together and then send it in. As in an earlier post, I mailed to the wrong address, but IAC did receive our packet. I overlooked a few items, and I sent (to the correct address this time!) those off today. They have also received our FBI fingerprint clearances. Our text and photographs have been approved for our letter as well as the "prettied" version. I got the go ahead on ordering the proof of the letter to send to the agency. I ordered it Fri (I think) so it should be here this week. I'm actually pretty excited about seeing it in person!

Nick doesn't show emotion that often, he's easy going and doesn't get stressed out about much. I on the other hand, always show emotion, I'm pretty easy going as well, but I stress out about everything! Tonight, though, when we were talking about our website and well, just the whole process, I could tell that he was getting excited. I think maybe it's becoming a little more real to him. He had all these questions for me about when we would have our home study visits, what they would be about, and what not. I really didn't know what to tell him! So... I did what I usually do when I don't know the answers about something, I turn to by adoption blogger friends! I still didn't find the exact answers, mainly because I got distracted, but I was able to read some awesome blogs! I love how I read on one blog and then another one catches my eye, and so on and so on. So here's a blog that I love reading. I love the sense of humor, and what I love most is that it's obvious how much this family loves each other! I've read back on this blog from the beginning of their adoption journey and it so inspires me!

Here I Go!

On my 29th birthday I vowed that by my 30th birthday that I was going to be in the best shape of my life. What was I thinking?!I've always loved being in shape, and I'm one of those weirdos that actually enjoys working out. I have struggled a lot over the last several years with my self image, and especially in the last year or so. After I had Khila, I was down to my pre-baby weight within 6 weeks and after 9 months I was smaller than I had been in years! With my 2nd pregnancy I gained weight FAST! I was, at 4 months the same size I had been with Khila at 7 months! It has been difficult to get back down to my pre-baby weight this time around. And here it is 17 months later! I'm determined to lose this "baby" weight. After all, I have no baby to even show for it! That's probably what irritates me most about it. So back to that first sentence!I have decided to start running again, which is something that I kinda missed, but it was just too bloomin' hot to run during the summer! In addition I've been doing ZUMBA, which is pretty fun even though this white girl has no rhythm whatsoever! Nick keeps asking me to video tape myself so he can have a good chuckle over it. I also just got my new bike trailer, so no more excuses on riding! (Which by the way I LOVE, it's a double seater, also can be used as a double jogging stroller- one of the main reason's I chose it, and it came with all the extras to make into a stroller) Okay, so here I go! I'm gonna do it!

Taken Away

Many family/friends have shown concern over the issue of OPEN adoption. The question I get asked the MOST is, "Aren't you afraid the birth mom is going to come take her baby back? She'll know where you live...." The answer to this question is NO! I'm not worried about that aspect. The decision is going to be hers, and with it being an open adoption I like to think that she will have no questions whether or not she did the "right" thing. She will see her child being cared for and loved and I would hope that would help ease some feelings of grief.


Another question I've been asked is "Are you scared of not bonding with a new baby?" This question bothers me some, because I don't think someone would ask a biological parent that. You would only assume if a woman carries her child she will bond. I think every mother, deep down, has a fear of not bonding, but I can say that I'm not concerned about it. Yes, an amazing, strong woman will have carried this child and brought this child into the world, but I believe that the child will be meant for us.


What am I worried about? Many things as a new parent! Like are my children going to get along. Is K going to be jealous, and how are we going to handle the situation? Especially with it being an adoption, I do worry about questions coming up and how to answer. All I do know, is that we are planning to be very open about it, and talk about it. It will NOT be something to be ashamed of, but rather to feel blessed about. I think too, that with questions it's going to be helpful having birth mom available to answer some. I think what I'm worried about most is the grief that birth family is going to go through. Honestly, it breaks my heart when I think of it. I know it's going to be difficult for her and her family, even if she doesn't realize exactly how much yet.