Mom, Why Did You Adopt C?

This is the question our five year old, Miss K, asked me.

I replied, "Well, we've talked about this before. Because Daddy and I wanted another little baby."

She says, "And..."

I say, "And because we wanted you to have a sibling."

Again she says, "And..."

So I go on and say, "Well sweetie, we met A and A and we loved them too and wanted them in our lives and they asked us to be C's family. And...

She says, "And because you wanted him to pee in your face?"

<insert belly laughing here>

So today's lesson? I need to lighten up. Not all questions are meant to be deep.

Shopping Trip

I just had an urge to write this morning and this is what hit me. This shopping trip for C. I remember on the way there Nick and I were so nervous and scared. We kept asking each other, surely this will happen if we go shopping together right? I mean if we buy all this little boy stuff and it doesn't work out what are we going to do with it? I know with our previous match I did buy little girl things and that was one of the hardest things to do... as a matter of fact I didn't take them back until after this shopping trip to exchange them for little boy items. After we got there, and I saw how Agirl's face lit up while shopping, most of my fears vanished. Whether or not placement was going to work out, I decided I could enjoy this with her. She loves to shop! Her joy for it was infectious. Nick hates to shop, well except for hunting and fishing, but there at the end? Even he was looking around for little boy items. I remember we kept trying to figure out what season it would be for the age of clothing! I really wanted a picture of all of us together. I had taken my camera with me every time we had visited with them, but I always forgot to ask to take pictures. Not this time! At this particular picture is on a shelf in C's room. This day was a huge day for Nick and I! I think after this day is when reality hit us, we were matched with this amazing couple considering us to be parents! Dreaming and wishing and hoping for this little guy began!!

Our Little Ballerina

Miss K has finished up another year of ballet. I think she is the most beautiful little ballerina. EVER.

Three Months

I can't believe our little guy is three months old today. It really does seem like yesterday that we got the call that we needed to head to the hospital. It is going by fast and it brings tears to my eyes. I find myself doing less and less housework and more holding him, staring at him and just ENJOYING him. He's a dream come true and I can't imagine having a more perfect baby.

 He makes my heart sing.

How Could She Do That?

I've been asked this question so many times of Corbin's birth mother (which I hate that title because although she is, she is so much more!).

It usually goes something like this...

How could she do that? How could any mother carry her child for 9 months and then just give him away? Although, I'm glad because now you have a baby, but I just don't understand how anyone could do that.

Time and time again I answer with, "She loved him enough to place him with us." When people ask these questions it seriously makes me cringe, because I always think... If you only knew how great her and Aboy's love is for C you wouldn't even open your mouth! I know without a doubt that they love C, and because of that love they were able to place him in our arms. I believe if they had loved him any less, they wouldn't have gone through that heartbreaking decision. I'm so grateful for them and I'm so thankful to have birth parents that love and care for him as much as they do.

I can see the love every time they hold him or look at him. Can't you?

The Story

At the beginning of November we received a call on our adoption line. I didn't get to the phone in time. Honestly, I had been watching a movie and was crying my eyes out,. I didn't think it would make a good impression answering the phone blubbering. A young man left a voicemail (which I STILL have saved on my phone) saying that he and his girlfriend saw our ad online and would like to meet us. ACK! Anyhow, I gathered my wits about me and called back. Voicemail. My initial thought was, "Well, they probably changed their minds."

They did call back though! We talked for a bit and decided to meet the following day. Nick was out of town on his annual hunting trip, so that left me! EEK!  Our friend Stephanie rode down with me to ease Nick's mind with me traveling alone with Miss K. I loved them immediately! I love Agirls's out outspokenness (which is something I don't have! so I totally admire that in her) and I love that Aboy isn't afraid to show his feelings. They let me see baby's ultrasound pictures and Agirl let me feel him kick! I admit, I was pretty nervous about all that, because I'm a woman and I get caught up in that sort of thing but I'm SO glad I got that opportunity! Riding home that night, Steph and I were talking about it, and I hate to even say it, but comparing. Stephanie had also met K and her family and she said upon meeting them she did not get a good feeling, she said immediately she felt anxious. Upon meeting A and A, she felt at ease and it felt like visiting friends we haven't seen in a while. I remember talking to Nick that night and said, "Nick, I think this is the reason why the K thing didn't work out." After talking with our agency the following day, I received a huge hand slap for not following protocol. Basically I decided on my own to go see them without giving the agency a head's up. Nick and I felt like they failed us in our previous match, not to mention various other things that we were(are) very disappointed in, and decided that with any other situation we would handle it how we wanted. Right away the agency told us to back off from this situation. Nick and I decided and told the agency over and over again that we wanted to proceed. We knew the risks and we were okay with that... We understand but we also had hope that this was going to work out. Scared to hell, yes, but we had a sliver of hope.

I'm not going to go into specific details about A and A because I do feel they are private and that is for them to share, but I'm not going to leave yall in the dark either! Since Nick wasn't home we made plans to visit over Thanksgiving break. Our agency had advised us against going to see them and then the day before encouraged us to and said that it looked like if everything went well it looked like we might be matching the following week! On the way down, I told Nick "No pressure or anything, but I know they already like me, so it's all you now!" We had a nice visit and we tentatively made plans to visit again over Christmas break. After visiting with them, we didn't hear anything from the agency about matching. I think Nick and I were both a little disappointed, but we were okay with it too. I knew they still liked us because they were still texting us, but we were still uncertain where this might be going.

***I want to add in here too, that after the failed match Nick and I said that whatever we decided we would try our hardest to protect Miss K's heart. It was an absolute mess having to deal with her emotions after the failed match. Miss K definitely was around A and A, as we felt that it was important for her to be but we never explained to her who they *could* be. When we told Miss K that we were going to visit A and A she would say, "WOOHOO!" She absolutely loved Agril! The first time we met Agirl colored with Miss K and totally won her over, that meant so much to me!! The fact that Miss K was always excited to see them really stuck out in my head :)

During Christmas break A and A expressed that they would like to come to our house for the next meeting. I let them know of our available dates and also invited them to Miss K's b-day party. They decided to come to her party. I was so nervous! The prior visits I wasn't very nervous, but this one I was - majorly. I don't know if it was because it was our house, or Miss K's party or what. Agirl showed me her newest ultrasound pics. And she was just so darn cute! Our previous visits, I was never real sure where this situation was going. This visit, though, (after everyone left) felt different. I can't really explain it, but Nick and I both noticed there was a difference.

A few days later I heard from IAC that they were ready to match! We were SO excited (and scared!). Agirl was due around Feb 12th. The end of Jan we made plans to get together and go shopping for little man. I was pretty nervous about this trip. Nick hates to shop (typical guy I guess) and he made it very obvious! But we had a good time! At that time little guy was due in 2 1/2 weeks and I kept thinking what if she goes into labor right now! Ha, but he was content during that trip.

On Feb 7th Aboy texts me that we should get our bags packed because Agirl's body was getting ready, and that he would keep me posted. About 2 hours later he called to let me know we should probably head to the hospital! I called Nick to come home and finished up last minute packing (especially for Miss K.) and trying to get it into the car. Nick came home and we decided to grab dinner on the way. We were thinking we had plenty of time - It takes 5 hours to get there and she was dilated to a 4 at 8 pm. We and nurses were thinking about 2 in the morn. Plenty of time right!? A little after 10 Aboy's mom texted me and said she was dilated to a NINE! Holy crap! We were still an hour out (damn dinner)  and then we had to take detour because there was a bad wreck (damnit again!). Anyhow a little later I get the text "Your son was born at 2245" I was overwhelmed, I was so happy, sad (that I couldn't be there) and scared. We arrived about 40 minutes later and met the little guy that became our son.

The thing I can't stop thinking of: I planted some daffodils in honor of our sweet little JB a few years ago. I have several planted but one is all by itself and each year if others come up around it I pull them because that one is Josephs flower. On the 7th, when we came home from ballet I noticed that single daffodil was blooming.

There are a lot of other little things that I have contemplated a lot on that one day I will probably talk about but right now this sweet little guy is needing me :)

 

Adoption Changes

We met the two year mark of officially waiting about three weeks ago. I say officially waiting because that is when our home study was approved. We started working with our agency in March 2010, so we are coming up on three years. It's very disheartening when I think of of it. Anyhow, we are finishing up paperwork for our home study update #2. We are also updating our profile and our letter. Although, I'm irritated at having to do all this updating, I'm excited to see how it looks when we are finished. Hopefully soon and I'll be sure to make a post of our new letter. (Which I think I've decided to design myself!) Here's to another year of waiting.