It's A Perfect Day

Miss K just said to me "It's a perfect day for flying a kite!"

Indeed it is. It's beautiful out, but it's WINDY!

I Live

for this! 

These moments are rare, but today my poor girl was exhausted and she wanted her Momma. And her Momma wanted and needed her. I'm pretty sure she is the reason I wake up every morning.

Busy Little Bee

 Miss K has been asking me for months to make her a Hello Kitty hair bow. I took a break from the hair bow making, but today I decided I would make a beautiful bow for her. Then, I thought "Well, I should probably go ahead and make a few more since I have everything out." I forgot how much I actually enjoy making them! 

Hello Kitty bow, and my favorite!

Easter hair bow

St. Patty's bow

Jelly Beans!

Child

"Child"

Author Unknown

 

A tiny life is growing
Inside a cozy place
His arms and legs are flailing
A smile is on his face.
His mother feels a tiny kick
Upon her rounded tummy
And waits impatiently for the day
When she becomes a Mummy.
The baby’s smile is fading
But his eyes are open wide
He knows that he’ll be leaving soon
But will never see outside.
There aren’t so many kicks now
In fact there’s none at all
Gran says that baby’s sleeping
And keeps knitting up his shawl.
His life is draining quickly
But no-one knows a thing
A tiny smile fleets his face
When he hears his Mother sing.
He knows that he’ll remember her
And the things he heard her say
Peacefully and happily
The baby drifts away.
Mummy knows that something’s wrong
And is at the clinic before too long
A scan is done and Doctor says
“I’m sorry, baby’s gone”.
The grief is overwhelming
The sadness takes its toll
Friends and family gather round
As he’s buried in his shawl.
As time goes by and lapses on
His Mother sheds a tear
And hears these words inside her head
“Mum I’m always here,
I’ll never ever leave you
Although you may not know
I’ll be beside you every day
Through laughter, joy and woe.
You’ll never need to miss me
For I am in your heart
And though we’re in two different worlds
We’ll never be apart”.

LMHL

What does that stand for!? Last Minute Hospital List... If you think about it just a little you might be able to figure it out but I'll go ahead and explain. :)  This is a last minute situation, an expecting mother did not make an adoption plan, but while in labor or soon after delivery decided she would like to place her baby for adoption. These cases are not all that common with our agency. Being on the list would mean that if there was a situation within a 4 hour radius of us, we would be called and would have to make a decision within 30 minutes on whether or not to proceed. A waiting family can potentially have a baby within 4 hours! How exciting is that!

Our agency offers clients that have been "waiting" for a year to go on this "list." Nick and I have been waiting a little over a year and we have been offered to go on the LMHL. So what does this mean for us? Absolutely nothing! We have opted not to go on the list. This whole year we always said that we wouldn't go on the list. We never expected to have the opportunity to go on the list (we thought we would adopt before our year mark). The waiting downright stinks, it's such an emotional roller coaster, and in all honesty I'm at one of my lowest points with "dealing" with waiting. As much as having a baby in an instant appeals to us, we couldn't do it. Nick and I are not impulse people. We like to think things thoroughly, over analyze, and discuss beyond measure. I've always thought those were wonderful traits, but now I'm not so sure.

I've said this the last 2 years, but I guess maybe the 3rd time's a charm: This year is going to be "our" year!

Do I Have To?

Holidays (and especially Christmas) are rough times. It's always in the back of my mind that I *should* have two little ones to celebrate with. Last year was somewhat tolerable because we had complete file approval and we could proceed with adoption! We had high hopes that we would adopt soon and the thought of it taking this long never entered our minds.. This year, though, marks the 2nd Christmas without our little JB and a whole year of "waiting." It's hard to get in the Christmas spirit, but I know I have to because I do have one sweet little face that deserves the best! This week we decorated and K did a wonderful job "helping." We have two trees and I let her decorate one of them all by herself. She thought she was such a big girl! All the ornaments are in one little spot... I'm surprised the tree hasn't fallen over yet! The other she helped with, but I admit, I did rearrange a few of the decorations. :) 

The Happenings

I haven't updated in awhile because really there hasn't been much that I wanted to say...  In Sept. we were contacted by email from an expectant mother considering adoption. She was young, fairly early in her pregnancy, and just trying to get a feel for adoption. I instantly felt good about the email/contact, but there were a couple of factors that held us back from getting too excited. After a couple of weeks of emailing, she stopped all contact. We were not at all surprised when she didn't email again  We truly believe that due to those factors she decided to either parent, or hold off on adoption at this time. I still think about her and I wish her well and good luck.

I can say I was a little bummed about her not emailing again. It is very hard not to get your hopes up. I was so excited to just get a contact.. We knew very well that it may not go anywhere, but SOMEBODY liked us enough to email!!! WOOHOO!! 


We went about our lives and had been discussing other avenues of networking, because after 10 months of waiting (officially) we were just tired of waiting! Then at the end of October, we received an email from a different expecting mother considering adoption. After the Sept. mom, I knew I shouldn't jump to conclusions. After a few days, and she was still emailing us (she still liked us!) I began to let a little hope creep in. She is due soon, and I think the idea of a baby that quickly just took a hold of me. After a couple of weeks and they were still emailing...I let A LOT of hope in... too much actually. There wasn't any red flags to speak of, only one small bump, but was soon put to rest after I talked with our agency. It's quite nerve racking... to know that you are *this* close to either having your dreams come true, or squashed.

We continued to email trying to get to know each other for several weeks. The Sunday before Thanksgiving she emailed and said they were going to take the next few days to talk things over and make their decision. How completely and utterly nerve racking! But as nervous as I was sitting and worrying about whether or not they were going to "pick" us, I couldn't help but think about them and how this decision would forever change their lives. How heartbreaking this whole process is for them. I had been praying heavily over this situation, and many times I had prayed for this to be the "one" for us, but I also prayed for peace, strength, and understanding for them. I've never not included them in my prayers, because I know without them our dreams wouldn't have the chance of coming true.

Sunday night they emailed us their decision. They chose another family. As much as I understand their reasons, and deep down I know this must not be the "one," I am heartbroken.

In light of that, we will continue on. We will see about other avenues for networking. We still have to finish up our home study and get pictures for a new profile!