November 5th 2012

As I mentioned in my post yesterday, today the 5th, was the day I went down to meet A and A. I had a meeting after work, and had to leave an hour late but finally I was able to leave! Stephanie went down with me, because Nick was so nervous about me driving down myself. On the way down, I remember I wasn't nervous. I don't know if it was because I didn't have time to really think about it or what. I do remember turning on to their road and it hit me. "What in the heck am I doing? I have no idea who these people are!" It quickly went away and then as I pulled up and saw Aboy standing outside, my stomach starting doing flip flops. We had a pleasant visit. Agirl colored with Miss K and completely won her over. To this day when we tell Miss K Agirl  is coming to visit she gets SO excited. It really felt like we were old friends and were catching up on life. Aboy and Agirl asked if I wanted to see the baby's ultrasound pictures. My initial reaction was No! I think I was scared. The last two ultrasound pictures I had seen both ended up in loss. I was scared to get my hopes up, scared that this tiny human being may not join our family. But I put all those fears aside and told myself that if anything, I could look at the ultrasound pictures and be happy for THEM. And I was. It was really hard not to be happy for them, because although scared, their excitement for this little baby was shining through. Then Agirl said, "Gina he's kicking, come feel my belly!" The fears came back, but I couldn't NOT do it. I felt that little baby kick and well, I think I might've gotten my hopes up right then. After a few hours we decided to head home. It was late and we were exhausted, but on the ride home we couldn't help but talk and analyze everything that had just taken place. And sadly compare. Stephanie had also met the failed match and her family also. I asked Stephanie her thoughts and immediately she said, "Well, honestly this was so calm, like talking with old friends. When I met K and her family, I immediately felt the tension and had a bad feeling. No bad feelings here."

At the time, I didn't give a lot of thought to it, but today looking back, I'm so thankful that Agirl allowed me to experience those first little kicks. I don't think she will ever know how much that means to me. Remembering this day, always brings a smile to my face!