Many family/friends have shown concern over the issue of OPEN adoption. The question I get asked the MOST is, "Aren't you afraid the birth mom is going to come take her baby back? She'll know where you live...." The answer to this question is NO! I'm not worried about that aspect. The decision is going to be hers, and with it being an open adoption I like to think that she will have no questions whether or not she did the "right" thing. She will see her child being cared for and loved and I would hope that would help ease some feelings of grief.
Another question I've been asked is "Are you scared of not bonding with a new baby?" This question bothers me some, because I don't think someone would ask a biological parent that. You would only assume if a woman carries her child she will bond. I think every mother, deep down, has a fear of not bonding, but I can say that I'm not concerned about it. Yes, an amazing, strong woman will have carried this child and brought this child into the world, but I believe that the child will be meant for us.
What am I worried about? Many things as a new parent! Like are my children going to get along. Is K going to be jealous, and how are we going to handle the situation? Especially with it being an adoption, I do worry about questions coming up and how to answer. All I do know, is that we are planning to be very open about it, and talk about it. It will NOT be something to be ashamed of, but rather to feel blessed about. I think too, that with questions it's going to be helpful having birth mom available to answer some. I think what I'm worried about most is the grief that birth family is going to go through. Honestly, it breaks my heart when I think of it. I know it's going to be difficult for her and her family, even if she doesn't realize exactly how much yet.
August 2013
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Lots (most?) people don't understand how open adoption works. I think it's because most people aren't involved in an adoption, and get their information from bad TV movies on the Hallmark channel. So I don't fault them for that. When I explain that changing your mind and reclaiming the baby years later isn't even remotely possible, I get "OK if you say so" looks.
As for bonding, on the day Sabrina was born and we met her for the first time, I was scared because I didn't "feel" anything. We got back to the hotel and I was so upset. We did have a long stress filled trip to L.A. from Phoenix, lots on our minds, a sleepless night, and realization that this journey may finally be at it's conclusion. I think all of that combined to numb my senses. However, when we came back to the hospital the next day and I held her again...that was it. She became the sole focus and being of my life, and only squirms her way deeper into my heart every day.
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