The Story

At the beginning of November we received a call on our adoption line. I didn't get to the phone in time. Honestly, I had been watching a movie and was crying my eyes out,. I didn't think it would make a good impression answering the phone blubbering. A young man left a voicemail (which I STILL have saved on my phone) saying that he and his girlfriend saw our ad online and would like to meet us. ACK! Anyhow, I gathered my wits about me and called back. Voicemail. My initial thought was, "Well, they probably changed their minds."

They did call back though! We talked for a bit and decided to meet the following day. Nick was out of town on his annual hunting trip, so that left me! EEK!  Our friend Stephanie rode down with me to ease Nick's mind with me traveling alone with Miss K. I loved them immediately! I love Agirls's out outspokenness (which is something I don't have! so I totally admire that in her) and I love that Aboy isn't afraid to show his feelings. They let me see baby's ultrasound pictures and Agirl let me feel him kick! I admit, I was pretty nervous about all that, because I'm a woman and I get caught up in that sort of thing but I'm SO glad I got that opportunity! Riding home that night, Steph and I were talking about it, and I hate to even say it, but comparing. Stephanie had also met K and her family and she said upon meeting them she did not get a good feeling, she said immediately she felt anxious. Upon meeting A and A, she felt at ease and it felt like visiting friends we haven't seen in a while. I remember talking to Nick that night and said, "Nick, I think this is the reason why the K thing didn't work out." After talking with our agency the following day, I received a huge hand slap for not following protocol. Basically I decided on my own to go see them without giving the agency a head's up. Nick and I felt like they failed us in our previous match, not to mention various other things that we were(are) very disappointed in, and decided that with any other situation we would handle it how we wanted. Right away the agency told us to back off from this situation. Nick and I decided and told the agency over and over again that we wanted to proceed. We knew the risks and we were okay with that... We understand but we also had hope that this was going to work out. Scared to hell, yes, but we had a sliver of hope.

I'm not going to go into specific details about A and A because I do feel they are private and that is for them to share, but I'm not going to leave yall in the dark either! Since Nick wasn't home we made plans to visit over Thanksgiving break. Our agency had advised us against going to see them and then the day before encouraged us to and said that it looked like if everything went well it looked like we might be matching the following week! On the way down, I told Nick "No pressure or anything, but I know they already like me, so it's all you now!" We had a nice visit and we tentatively made plans to visit again over Christmas break. After visiting with them, we didn't hear anything from the agency about matching. I think Nick and I were both a little disappointed, but we were okay with it too. I knew they still liked us because they were still texting us, but we were still uncertain where this might be going.

***I want to add in here too, that after the failed match Nick and I said that whatever we decided we would try our hardest to protect Miss K's heart. It was an absolute mess having to deal with her emotions after the failed match. Miss K definitely was around A and A, as we felt that it was important for her to be but we never explained to her who they *could* be. When we told Miss K that we were going to visit A and A she would say, "WOOHOO!" She absolutely loved Agril! The first time we met Agirl colored with Miss K and totally won her over, that meant so much to me!! The fact that Miss K was always excited to see them really stuck out in my head :)

During Christmas break A and A expressed that they would like to come to our house for the next meeting. I let them know of our available dates and also invited them to Miss K's b-day party. They decided to come to her party. I was so nervous! The prior visits I wasn't very nervous, but this one I was - majorly. I don't know if it was because it was our house, or Miss K's party or what. Agirl showed me her newest ultrasound pics. And she was just so darn cute! Our previous visits, I was never real sure where this situation was going. This visit, though, (after everyone left) felt different. I can't really explain it, but Nick and I both noticed there was a difference.

A few days later I heard from IAC that they were ready to match! We were SO excited (and scared!). Agirl was due around Feb 12th. The end of Jan we made plans to get together and go shopping for little man. I was pretty nervous about this trip. Nick hates to shop (typical guy I guess) and he made it very obvious! But we had a good time! At that time little guy was due in 2 1/2 weeks and I kept thinking what if she goes into labor right now! Ha, but he was content during that trip.

On Feb 7th Aboy texts me that we should get our bags packed because Agirl's body was getting ready, and that he would keep me posted. About 2 hours later he called to let me know we should probably head to the hospital! I called Nick to come home and finished up last minute packing (especially for Miss K.) and trying to get it into the car. Nick came home and we decided to grab dinner on the way. We were thinking we had plenty of time - It takes 5 hours to get there and she was dilated to a 4 at 8 pm. We and nurses were thinking about 2 in the morn. Plenty of time right!? A little after 10 Aboy's mom texted me and said she was dilated to a NINE! Holy crap! We were still an hour out (damn dinner)  and then we had to take detour because there was a bad wreck (damnit again!). Anyhow a little later I get the text "Your son was born at 2245" I was overwhelmed, I was so happy, sad (that I couldn't be there) and scared. We arrived about 40 minutes later and met the little guy that became our son.

The thing I can't stop thinking of: I planted some daffodils in honor of our sweet little JB a few years ago. I have several planted but one is all by itself and each year if others come up around it I pull them because that one is Josephs flower. On the 7th, when we came home from ballet I noticed that single daffodil was blooming.

There are a lot of other little things that I have contemplated a lot on that one day I will probably talk about but right now this sweet little guy is needing me :)

 

Adoption Changes

We met the two year mark of officially waiting about three weeks ago. I say officially waiting because that is when our home study was approved. We started working with our agency in March 2010, so we are coming up on three years. It's very disheartening when I think of of it. Anyhow, we are finishing up paperwork for our home study update #2. We are also updating our profile and our letter. Although, I'm irritated at having to do all this updating, I'm excited to see how it looks when we are finished. Hopefully soon and I'll be sure to make a post of our new letter. (Which I think I've decided to design myself!) Here's to another year of waiting.

I Don't Like You

Hate is not a word that we allow in our house. A few days ago a friend of Miss K's said, "I hate you" while they were playing. On our way that night Miss K said, "Mom that wasn't a nice thing that B said." I said, "No sweetie it wasn't, but sometimes when we are upset we say things that aren't nice." She said, "Well, she could've said I don't like you. That's a nicer way of saying I hate you." I said, "Yep you're right! I don't like you is a nicer way of saying that, but we probably shouldn't say that either, because those words may hurt someone's feelings as well. Sometimes it's hard to be nice and say nice things all the time, but we should always try."

I am so incredibly proud of Miss K for thinking this little scenario through and coming up with a solution that would be better.

Free

E (our next door neighbor's son) and Miss K love hanging out together. It's so fun to watch them interacting. One day he was over playing and I looked up and saw Miss K doing this... so of course I had to snap a picture.

Oh to be young again!!

Rayni

Please keep this sweet girl and her family in your thoughts and prayers. 

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/rayni/journal

Difficult Days

I have to say that the hardest part of K deciding to parent has not been the fact that we "lost" the hope of that child, nor is it the disappointment of the relationship that we had built with her,  but it IS the days that we have spent trying to explain to our Miss K why baby A couldn't be her sister. Nick and I were always very, very careful with what we said to Miss K about K, her family, and her baby. We never said that this baby was going to be her sister, we always referred to baby A as K's baby. We have always been open with Miss K about adoption and what that might entail (in age appropriate terms), but we have also tried to be careful. I remember saying many, many times that I'm okay if my heart gets broken, but I don't want my girl's heart to get broken.

I thought we had a wonderful, wonderful relationship with her and her family. We really thought that it was the perfect situation for us and for them as well. We got along great, we had tons in common, we loved and cared about her very deeply. We had been talking with K for three months before her delivery. Nick and I had decided before hand that we did not want to bring Miss K to the hospital at all because we felt that it would be too difficult for her if things didn't work out. (And unfortunately we found out how difficult) We had decided though, that we would take K with us and she and one of our closets friends would stay in the hotel while Nick and I could be at the hospital with K. After baby A was born, K's family asked where Miss K was and encouraged us to bring her up to "meet her baby sister." Nick and I went back to the hotel that night and talked about it, and decided that maybe we should take Miss K. I can't say we were 100% comfortable about it, because we weren't, but after seeing how confident K was we wanted to show that we had the same confidence. The following day we did take K up to see baby A. We were sure to remind her that baby A was K's baby. Unfortunately, other's did not follow suit. Some of the birth family mentioned to Miss K about what a good big sister she will be. (and they were right, she WILL be) but with that person, and a few others saying something to Miss K about baby A being her sister, my girl assumed that baby A was her sister. Of course later that all changed. Then the difficult days started....

I had actually quit my job because I wanted to be a stay at home momma. I had called my boss and told her what happened and she offered my position back to me. Nick and I both took off work for a couple of days. Right away we noticed Miss K throwing horrendous fits. She has never been a child to act the way she was. The first tantrum was when we were in a grocery store and I felt so horrible because although she was throwing a fit because she didn't get  a toy, I knew deep down it had nothing to do with the toy. Every day she had at least one huge meltdown. Then when we went back to school she started in saying she didn't like school and she didn't want to go. We were both kinda blindsided. We had told her that baby A couldn't be with us and she asked many times about baby A and why her baby sister wasn't with her. We carefully explained that baby A wasn't her sister and that K decided she wanted to be her mommy. Many times she would ask when we were going to go see baby A again. This went on for several weeks. Finally, after a huge meltdown about having to "go home" I asked Miss K why she was throwing these fits when she never had before. Her reply, "Momma I'm just sad." I asked, "Why are you sad?" She says, "I don't know why, but I just am." I realized then, that we needed to have a serious talk with her about what had happened. So I (Nick wasn't home) sat down with her and we talked, and talked and talked some more. In her little four year mind (as far as I could gather) she thought that the reason baby A couldn't come home with us is because we had to go back to school. I told her that that wasn't the reason at all, but that K changed her mind. K thought that baby A was going to be her sister, but she decided instead to be her mommy, so baby A would be living with her and her family. Miss K had questions and I answered them the best I could. Lo and behold the next school day, trying to get her up was AWESOME. No meltdown, no tears, and no complaints! My poor girl's heart had been hurting and she didn't know how to express it other than acting out. Things went well for about a week, all of a sudden Miss K started telling lies.

Stupid lies, really, but nonetheless lies. Finally I said "Miss K we don't tell lies. It hurts Mommy and Daddy and God doesn't like it either." She continued on. One day not too long after that Miss K told a lie (about eating candy) and I asked her to tell me the truth. She continued to lie (thankfully she hadn't learned to lie well). Again I sat down with her and said, "Miss K we shouldn't tell lies." She looks at me and says, "Well adults lie when they change their minds." Oh boy. Right away, I knew exactly what she was talking about.. Although, we never once said that K lied, I can totally see why a four year old would think that. So I said, "You know Miss K, do you know how sad it made Mommy and Daddy and you when K changed her mind and said that Baby A couldn't come home with us?" She said, "Yes, very sad." I said, "Yep, that's what lying does. It hurts people and makes them sad, so we shouldn't do it." She said, "Okay, I'm sorry I lied." That night we read a book "Telling the Truth" and guess what? No more lying! Well, as of me sitting here and writing this!

I sure hope this is the end of all that mess and things continue to move forward.

The Longest Drive

I've debated and debated on whether or not I would post on here about our adoption match that went south, but I've finally decided that I will. Mainly because I know that there are other adoptive families out there that have been through something similar and I hope somehow our story may comfort or help others. In June (the 18th to be exact) we received an email from K saying she would like to get to know us better. Immediately we felt connected to K. We exchanged several emails and decided that we would like to meet. The beginning of July we met K, her mother, and her father. I have to say the meeting them was nerve racking! Almost like a blind date feeling, but all in all it seemed to go well. We continued to email and determined that we still liked each other and eventually (the end of July) K asked if we would like to match with her. We, of course, said YES! We cared, and loved her very much. She seemed like a perfect match for us. She had a great sense of humor, wonderful outlook on life and we had so much in common. We went on vacation the beginning of August and while coming back from vacation stopped off to visit with K and her family at their house. This visit seemed to go so much better, it was much more relaxed and easy going. That Monday (Aug 20th) we received an awesome phone call from IAC letting us know that K wanted to "officially match." We were over the moon!! On Aug 29th we had our match meeting. We were also able to meet J, the expectant father. He decided to sign his rights over that day. By that time there was only a week until K's due date! We were so excited and started getting everything prepared for baby girl. The 6th (Sept) came and went with no little one. On Sept 14th K texted and said she was going in to be induced. Nick and I rushed over to the hospital (about 2 1/2 hours from us). At the time we thought it was the longest car ride ever!

We get to the hospital and K was doing great! In pain, but soon she had an epidural and all was better. K had asked me to be in the delivery room with her. After 3 hours of pushing, baby girl was born at 7:01 pm. Pure sweetness. It's truly amazing how much I already loved that little girl. She was going to be monitored for a couple of hours in the nursery so Nick and I decided to go get something to eat and was going to come back. By the time we ate, though we realized it was late and we should get our Miss K to bed. (She was staying with a friend in a hotel) While at the hospital, the birth family had encouraged us to bring up Miss K the following day. Nick and I had planned on NOT taking her to the hospital, but with their confidence, decided we would.

We had never told K that this baby was her baby sister, instead we always said that it was K's baby, but she was deciding whether or not she wanted baby to be with our family. The following day (Sat) we get to the hospital and Miss K received a "Proud Big Sister" sticker at the front door. We didn't really say anything about it, because again, our feelings were that it's okay for us to get hurt, but not our girl. We get to K's room and hold and feed baby girl. Birth certificate was done with the name that we were going to name her, our last name because "She'll never need my last name." A couple times people mentioned about Miss K being a good big sister. K and I had a nice long talk about adoption and what I took as she was still very confident in her decision to place. That afternoon we decided to go back to the hotel for a bit and was going to go back up later. Our friend Stephanie and I went (they had said she was welcome to come up) up later that evening and spent a couple hours visiting and holding little miss. K was to sign relinquishment papers the next morning. After getting back to the hotel, Nick and I packed our little diaper bag, got the going home outfit all ready to go. Finally, after such a long time waiting, we were going to have our little baby! We went to bed and sometime after 11 pm K's dad called and said that they couldn't go through with it. To say that we were completely blindsided is an understatement. We cried and held each other all night long. I wanted to leave right then, but we knew we should at least let Miss K get her sleep. So we got up early the next morning and drove home. Now THAT was the longest drive ever.