So here I was sitting with two very obvious pregnant women. (Normally I wouldn't be in this type of setting, but I was trying to mingle) Another lady walks up and sits down as well. It goes something like this:
Lady says to 1st woman: It's nice to meet you! How far along are you?
1st woman answers
Lady: Is this your first child?
1st woman answers
Lady: Oh, that's wonderful, what a blessing. Is it a boy or girl?
1st woman anwers
Lady to ME: "Do you only have one child?"
Me: Yes
Lady to Me: Are you going to have more?
Me: Well, umm my husband and I are in the process of adopting.
Lady to Me: Oh, I hear that takes a long time."
Me: Yes it can.
Lady to Me: Why are you adopting?
Me: I would suppose the same reason these women are pregnant....
Lady to Me: Well, good luck to you."
Lady to 2nd woman: "Is this your first pregnancy?"
2nd woman answers, Lady continues asking Woman 1&2 questions regarding pregnancy and children and not another word to me.
Needless to say I was ready to burst into tears....
First off, I find it offensive when people ask me if I'm going to have more children. Really, do you need to tell me that adoption can take a long time? Do you really think that I don't know this!? And the 2nd question completely BLEW me away... a person would never ask a pregnant woman why she was pregnant... This is not the first time (nor will it be the last I'm sure) that I've heard hurtful comments. I've realized that the statement "Good luck" is a dismissing of the topic. There was/is clearly a different vibe I get from others when adoption is mentioned. Almost like I can't be included in their talk because I'm expanding my family differently. People (women mostly) tend to get all excited when a pregnant woman is around, but yet they can't show me the same amount of excitement. I know we are becoming a family in a different way, but it's just as exciting for us. I don't understand why others can't see that as well. And that's my gripe today! I promise I won't gripe anymore! (for awhile!)
2 comments:
I think people are uncomfortable because they just don't know what to say. That said, their insensitivity and blatent rudeness is still absolutely not okay! Sorry :(
Even after the child is born, you'll probably be hearing stupid comments for a long time. Every once in the while someone will surprise you with something heartwarming, but you'll still get a lot of "where's the real mother?" and "are you the baby sitter?". Get the snappy comebacks ready now, and enjoy using them later!
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