I recently read a book "A Time to Mourn, A Time to Dance." A sentence just jumped right out at me when I was reading... "The death of a parent is a death of the past. The death of a spouse is a death of the present. But the death of a child is a death of the future." I have no idea what it is like to lose a parent, or a spouse but I'm certain the pain runs deeps. I do know how the death of my baby was and that part is very true! My future changed drastically. All of our hopes and dreams were gone in an instant. I haven't looked at anything the same, nor do I feel the same about a lot of life situations. It took some time to adjust on what to talk about with Nick. Think about it, you get married and have babies.... you talk about getting married and talk about having children. When that is gone, you struggle on what to talk about.
It's been a little over 2 1/2 years since we lost little JB. The pain is just as strong and the sadness is still in my heart. I've come to accept that it will always be there, and I guess at times I welcome it. There isn't a day goes by that I don't think of him. I felt such joy when finding out I was pregnant and I know because of that joy I feel such sadness at knowing he is no longer here.
I have very little patience when it comes to others not trying to understand or judging me because I can't "just get over it." I will never "get over" it, but instead I'm learning every day to deal with it in different, better ways. I know my child was not meant to be with me and I accept that, but it does NOT make the pain less. I will always miss, and long for our baby.
In honor of
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day!
